Ellory Elkayem’s feature-length debut, Eight Legged Freaks (ELF), attempts to take producer Roland Emmerich’s love for the gigantic and create a parody of 1950’s monster invasion flicks. What I gathered from the movie is that the filmmakers had perhaps too much fun along the way, forgetting amid the big-budget excitement as they warmed themselves via the cindering of the production company’s cash that they were making a movie and to do so effectively requires effort. To put it bluntly, the film’s website, a parody of The National Enquirer, is the best part of film.
The small rural mining community of Prosperity, Arizona is left to fend for themselves after a toxic chemical spill pollutes a nearby pond and its affects are conveyed via crickets to a hobbyist’s (Tom Noonan) spider collection.
The cast of ELF includes, but is not limited to, Sam Parker (Kari Wuhrer), a kick-ass female sheriff who plays mom on the side and is protégée to Linda Hamilton’s character in Terminator 2; Sam’s son, Mike (Scott Terra), a Harry Potter look- and act-alike who has a Cassandra complex and is self-consciously aware of the fact, “No one’s going to believe me, ’cuz I’m a kid, and they never listen to the kid” he whines; Sam’s daughter, Ashley (Scarlett Johansson), the get-out-of-horror-film-free-card vestal older sister; Sam’s unrequited love interest Chris McCormick (David Arquette), who is forced to become a man in the wake of being stuck in a postmodern horror comedy but is having a hard time holding a light to his pant-wearing flame as he repeatedly attempts to tell Sam how he feels yet is repeatedly interrupted; Pete Willis (Rick Overton), the mustache-ladden deputy throwback from Arguette’s Deputy Dewey; sleazy mayor Wade (Leon Rippy), complete with blazer, bolero, and cowboy boots as his investment strategies come off just about as well as did the Hindenburg; and Harlan Griffith (Doug E. Doug) as an African-American Art Bell facsimile.
Now, with this in tow, let’s look at what exactly a parody consists of and how not to go about it: A parody is a work of art which intentionally mocks or ridicules another work for the purpose of satire, which is oftentimes achieved through comedy. What does ELF do in this respect? Well, we do have a giant monster invasion comprised of spiders and an eclectic cast of characters who are attempting to survive the barrage of arachnids. What doesn’t ELF do in this regard? Effectively control and focus upon being an audience-conscience spoof with clever, well-placed comedy. To merely emulate another work doesn’t give one the right to scratch the “parody” box off the checklist. Nor does inserting the first half-assed joke you think of create effectual comedy. For example, we have the spider hobbyist’s parrot who reiterates “I see dead people” at the beginning of the movie as a supposedly clever in-joke to those who saw M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense. To what ends? Apparently Elkayem didn’t bother with that question and was under the misconception that comedy needn’t mean anything, especially if it is intended to fall under the critical radar by way of its spoof label. However, as evidenced with Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead or Mel Brooks’s Young Frankenstein, if well thought out and strategically placed, a joke cannot only mean something, but it can be that much more hilarious as a consequence. With this in mind, we have other throw-away references to films which have nothing to do with 1950’s monster invasions, including Spider Man (“[It’s] a spider, man”–yes, I know, it deals with spiders but it nonetheless comes off flaccid), Dawn of the Dead (the town’s populace scurries to the local mall for safety), Friday the 13th and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (a character is seen wearing a hockey mask while brandishing a chainsaw), and Alien (the mother arachnid resides in womblike nest in a deserted mine). Sure, these are all great works of horror and, indeed, ELF falls under that category but, c’mon, that’s too easy–too broad–why not go for the jugular and challenge yourself with a witty reference to horror films involving bugs (God forbid even spiders) from previous eras such as Gordon Douglas’s Them! (that is, outside of a sequence from the film on a background television), Nathan Juran’s The Deadly Mantis, Jack Arnold’s The Incredible Shrinking Man or Tarantula, Edward Ludwig’s The Black Scorpion or even lesser works such as Bert Gordon’s Earth vs. the Spider or Bill Rebane’s The Giant Spider Invasion?
If nothing else, though the acting is poor par the genre, it still needs to be watchable and, essentially, laughable (in the good sense). However, the best performances in ELF comes from the CGI spiders which, I’m issuing benefit of the doubt here, are intended to look a little artificial. However, the line between authenticity and parody isn’t aptly skirted and the antagonists come off as trite, thus confusing the viewer as to the filmmaker’s visual intention with the bugs. My argument here is why not, since we are dealing with a parody of poorly fabricated villains, mimic the worst, à la Ray Kellogg’s The Giant Gila Monster? Why not just shoot scenes with normal sized arachnids crawling around miniature sets and cut them amid scenes of the actors peering ominously over their shoulders as they flee off screen?
Even Robert Wise’s The Sound of Music presented the monster invasion theme better than Ellory Elkayem and Co.. In short, go watch Lake Placcid for overgrown nemeses who are approached with tongue planted firmly in cheek. Eight Legged Freaks, at its weakly beating heart, wants its audience to work for it escapism, thus missing the point entirely. What else can be said for a film whose title, if you want to get down to brass tacks, states that we are going to be witness to eight freaks, each of which are in possession of a leg or legs, the phrase remaining coy in this aspect? (Now this premise is B-movie goodness waiting to happen!). Of course, I’m supposing, perhaps naively, that the filmmakers were aware that “Freaks with Eight Legs” just didn’t have the zing “Eight Legged Freaks” has. If nothing else, that was one less detail they had to contend with.
-Egregious Gurnow
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- Defending the King: An Examination of Academia’s Reaction to Stephen King Being Awarded the National Book Foundation’s Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters - January 22, 2015
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